


Please Stay

by lighthouse_stilinski



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Future Fic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Post-Movie(s), Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, Stucky - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 15:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6913015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lighthouse_stilinski/pseuds/lighthouse_stilinski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I fought for you, Buck. When you fell off of that train, I continued to fight for you. I fight for you every single day. And you’re gonna stand here and tell me that everything I’ve done is for nothing? Because if that’s true, then I’m done. I have no reason to keep fighting.”</p><p>After a mission goes wrong, Bucky says something that Steve does not particularly like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Stay

“Where the hell are you going?”

The voice sounds hollow in Bucky’s ears as he rushes out of the aircraft and makes his way to the nearest exit of the hangar in the Avengers compound. The last thing he needs is to be lectured by Steve.

“It doesn’t matter,” he calls over his shoulder. All he wants at the moment is to be alone, especially after how spectacularly awful their mission had panned out.

The mission should have been simple. Steve and Bucky were sent alone, but the two quickly realized that the seemingly simple mission was much more complicated than they had originally expected. Bucky made a decision that he thought would result in the least damage, but he had only made things worse.

“Buck, you could have gotten yourself killed.” Bucky clenches his jaw and rushes past Steve.

“Maybe that wouldn’t have been the worst thing. I’m probably better off dead, anyway,” he says quietly. A strong hand grabs his forearm, and Bucky knows that he should have kept his commentary within the isolation of his mind.

“Excuse me?” Steve demands. There’s an anger in his voice that Bucky isn’t used to, an anger that only escapes when it comes to the safety of the people he cares about most.

Bucky turns to his best friend, mentally kicking himself for saying anything. He knows how over-protective Steve can be. If he was mad at Bucky before, then he’s absolutely livid now-- and for a completely different reason.

Steve’s nostrils flare as he breathes heavily in and out, and Bucky becomes incredibly uncomfortable at the image. He would rather just deal with the consequences of the failed mission. But instead, he has to deal with consequences of an entirely different magnitude.

Bucky pulls his arm free. He’s not in any mood to talk about his well-being. And he sure as hell isn’t in the mood to deal with the wrath of Steve Rogers. “Sorry,” Bucky says with a shrug. Again, he starts to make his way out of the room, but the next thing Steve says stops him in his tracks.

“Do you think that I would be better off without you?” Steve asks. Bucky sighs, rubbing his natural hand across his face. “Do you think that the Avengers would be better off without you? Do you think the world would be better off?”

Bucky shakes his head and looks to his friend once more. “You don’t get it, Steve. You’ve read the files, and you still don’t get it. I have killed dozens of people that didn’t need to be killed. I did a lot of terrible things that I can’t explain; that I had no control over. I see things in my mind every second of every day that I would do anything to erase,” Bucky says. “So yeah, I think I have the right to wish I were dead. The world does not owe me anything. The Avengers do not owe me anything. I may not be a bad guy anymore, but I’m sure as hell not very good at being a good guy.”

Bucky watches as Steve’s angry facade fades. He hates the way it turns from rage to sympathy, and he’s not sure which of the two is worse. Steve removes his helmet, and Bucky’s eyes follow the helmet as it falls from Steve’s hands to the floor.

“Fine, if the world doesn’t need you, then it doesn’t need me,” Steve says. Bucky grows increasingly frustrated. Steve can be so goddamn righteous sometimes. “I fought for you, Buck. When you fell off of that train, I continued to fight for you. I fight for you every single day. And you’re gonna stand here and tell me that everything I’ve done is for nothing? Because if that’s true, then I’m done. I have no reason to keep fighting.”

A defeated laugh escapes past Bucky’s lips. “That’s ridiculous,” he says. “You can be so dramatic sometimes, you know that?”

“So, caring about your life, caring about my best friend’s life, is ridiculous?” Steve’s face contorts, and Bucky knows that he’s trying to hold back tears. The very idea that someone could care about Bucky enough to show physical emotion is ludicrous in his mind. But he knows. Bucky knows that Steve cares. If Steve even feels a fraction of the admiration for him that he feels for Steve, then Bucky’s got it made. Unfortunately, Bucky isn’t the best at believing that there can be anything truly good in his life. “Bucky, you are the most important person in my life. Without you, I’m no one.”

“You were okay without me when I fell out of that train, though,” Bucky says almost too nonchalantly.

“That was different,” Steve says. “I still had you. I carried you with me everywhere I went. I carried your courage. Your determination. Your loyalty. You’re telling me that you want to give up. That’s not the Bucky I know. If you give up, then what do I have to hold onto?”

Almost at a loss for words, Bucky stares at Steve in confusion. Steve was and is never one to give up. What he’s saying makes no sense to Bucky.

“You sure do have a lot of faith in someone who has done more harm than good, you know that?” Steve walks towards Bucky, and this time Bucky doesn’t make a move to leave.

“Of course I do,” Steve says. He stops just a few feet from Bucky, sympathy still seeping into his features. “Buck, if you weren’t a good person, then things would be different. If you had killed those people on your own terms, then I would have given up on you a long time ago. But you didn’t. You didn’t have the liberty to choose, but you do now. And you’ve been doing everything you can to make things right.”

Bucky thinks about those words for a moment, unsure how to frame the inner workings of his cluttered mind within the image that Steve has created for him.

“I messed up today,” Bucky says. Steve grins slightly.

“That’s okay, pal,” he says. “Everyone messes up. But you made the decision today that you were going to do whatever you could to help those people. Sometimes, our decisions don’t always line up with their consequences. And that’s okay.”

“People died.” Suddenly, Bucky feels as helpless as he did the day he started to remember. The day he recognized Steve on the bridge.

“But that’s not your fault, Bucky,” Steve says. “You didn’t cause the explosion.”

Bucky knits his eyebrows, feeling exhausted. “I might as well have,” he says. “I was the target, Steve. If I hadn’t gone back--”

“You did go back, though,” Steve interrupts. “And that’s okay.”

“Really? Because a minute ago you were ready to rip my head off,” Bucky points out. Steve lets out a heavy breath.

“Just promise me that you won’t ever do anything as stupid as that again,” Steve pleads. Bucky grins as a memory from a time too long ago flashes through his mind.

“Not sure I can make that promise. I took all the stupid with me when I left for war, remember?” Bucky says. Steve nods, grabbing his friend into an embrace.

“Jerk,” he says.

“Punk,” Bucky quips.

The two hold each other for a moment, and Bucky knows that Steve is right. Even though Bucky fights the darkness every single day, Steve will never give up on him. He may get on his nerves sometimes, but Steve only wants Bucky to find his way back to the light.

“Please stay,” Steve whispers, and Bucky wraps his arms tighter around Steve’s frame, knowing exactly what he means. There’s no way of telling how long it will take Bucky to get used to this life-living thing, but he knows that he has to keep working on it. Steve fought for him for so long that it was time for Bucky to step up and fight for himself.

“I will,” Bucky says. The two break apart, and Bucky looks past Steve to the object that Steve left on the ground. “Pick up your helmet. The world still needs Captain America.”

“Only if you admit that the world needs Bucky Barnes, too.”


End file.
